The Behind Look At My Behind

"You are so lucky!"

I hear this a lot, along with: "You got it easy", "You don't understand, cause you're skinny", and "You must be able to eat whatever you want". Oh-my-gosh, if only all of those people really knew! Here is the behind look at my behind".

There is a picture going around FB right now, with different themes attached, "What My Friends Think About Me". Here is one example:

I am now going to take this a step further and let you inside my head a little:

Here is what my friends and family think I look like

Here is what my husband thinks I look like

Here is what I think I look like

Here is what I Actually look like

Okay, so here are the few things that have been on my mind as of late. 

The first is, I am NOT lucky! If everyone who made a comment like that to me knew how incredibly hard I actually work they would die and think I was completely crazy..... two hours a day - every day - 6 days a week most weeks! 12 HOURS A WEEK. That is a lot of miles, crunches, arm curls, jump ropes and push ups. It is NOT easy and anyone who thinks otherwise is crazy. What people don't realize is that I am totally a fat person in a skinny body and I have to fight that away one barbell at a time.

I also have to watch what I eat so carefully that it is dumb sometimes. I feel like Cathy Bates in "Fried Green Tomatoes" all of the time when she said... "I wish I could just get brave and get really fat and get it over with". If I just look at a piece of cake I gain a pound. If I actually take a bite, well then it's two.

Here is the fine balancing act that I play every day of my life: how to keep thin, fit and healthy but still be able to have an enjoyable life. Remember that first picture?

This is what I would LOVE to look like!!! Wouldn't it be so wonderful to have flat, smooth abs like that? I have a deep dark secret. I have considered, on numerous occasions, getting a tummy tuck. When I think about having a tummy that looks like that.... well, it becomes an obsession with me. To have a tummy that didn't sag over the top of your jeans when you sat down because it is so saggy. Now, that would be something.

Here's the thing though. I earned every single one of those stretch marks. Every kick, jab in the ribs, contraction, and pain I went through gave me the right to wear them. My stomach is stretched out because it was once the safe haven for my children. I lovingly carried around each one of them for 9 months while they grew and became developed and strong enough to live on their own. I have that kind of stomach because I am a mother.

I am trying very hard to come to terms with that. I will continue to run, jump, squat and lift for as long as my body will allow me to. It enables me to do so many things with my life. Hike to the top of a mountain, run a marathon with friends and fit into my size 3 jeans. I am trying to love every part of my body as much as my husband does (though that is asking a lot ;o). I am trying to look at it for all it can do, not for what I wish it was.

It is taking me time, and I hope to be there one day: one step at a time. Maybe some day I will even see myself like Aaron sees me.

Maybe.