I HATE IKEA

I hate IKEA. I hate just about everything about it. I hate the fact that when you walk into the store, you are at the start of one gigantic rat maze. I swear there must be someone in a room somewhere, in a white lab coat, with a clipboard taking notes. It's a human/social experiment on a grand scale. For crying out loud, at least give me my piece of cheese at the end! But all you get is a Sweedish Meatball.

Which leads me to another thing about IKEA that I hate and do not understand: the food. People go crazy over the food there, and make special trips to the store just to eat in the "restaurant". I use the term restaurant loosely, because it's really nothing more than a big fatty cafeteria. Seriously? I could drive down the street to the hospital and get just as good a meal, and not have to stand in line for it. I will never understand that pull.

The biggest thing I hate about IKEA is the attitude of the clientele there. There is this strange phenomenon that happens when people walk into those doors - every thing slows way down. I feel like I'm in the middle of a Matrix fight scene. People walk SO slowly in there it's freakin' ridiculous. I usually make it a game to see how many people I can pass in 30 seconds, and start playing "Burn Out" in my head - the closer to the person, the more points you recieve. 

Two other things seem to happen in this store as well.... 1. People want to touch everything. It's not good enough to just look at it, they have to feel it and run their hands up and down it. They want to make sure their lamp shade is just the right texture. 2. People's bodies follow their eyes. Instead of just looking the right and left, they will look to the left, and as their eyes shift so does their body, so that they all of the sudden switch course - right - in - front - of - you. Err, merr, gerrd!

So, why do I go into this nightmarish Hell? Well, I am always looking for the best deal I can find, and admittedly I really like their storage and lighting sections of the store: they have some amazing lighting! So, about once a year, when I have forgotten all of the frustrations of my last attempt to shop at this store, I venture in. As soon as I walk through the doors I remember, but heck, I'm here now.... so "Burn Out" Begins.

God help me!