Am I just getting old?

Well, I can feel myself starting to change. I think I am finally catching up to Alison in my views with life (she is a year older than me :o).

You know, I have spent almost 20 years - 19 to be exact - being a mother and homemaker. I still love being a mother immensely. I have two great kids that I love to be around and doing things with! It's the whole "homemaker" thing that is starting to wear on me.

Long ago, when being a mom was my main focus in life, it just came with the territory to cook, clean, wipe noses, do homework, pick up toys - you get the point. I didn't mind it one bit. As a matter of fact, I would go as far to say that I enjoyed it, because I was making a home for my family.

With older kids, life takes on a very different view. Instead of picking up toys I'm picking up MP3 players, backpacks, shoes (oh my gosh, always shoes!) and books; instead of changing diapers I'm changing schedules; and instead of worrying about whether my kids have eaten lunch or have clean clothes to wear I'm worrying about whether they are being safe drivers, responsible students and are headed in the right direction and making good life decisions. And, instead of playing Legos and reading books I'm working to pay for soccer, car insurance, and school fees.

Where's the time to clean the bathroom, cook a healthy meal or make 20 batches of zucchini bread with all of the zucchini coming out your ears from this years garden? Believe me, I still try to get it all done! But, sometimes my heart just isn't in it anymore. I'm too tired. I guess that comes with age too. And, don't even get me started on the battle I have been suffering from the past year every morning - exercise or extra sleep?

So, I guess with all these rantings, here's my question. With older kids, more work, and all the other "chores" that still need to be done, how does one find balance in your life? I know Alison has finally hired a housekeeper once a month. Do I break down and spend money on that? Can I afford that? If someone could just clean my bathrooms that are growing something (I don't even want to know).........How do you keep from being bitter? Feeling like you have to do everything all of the time. Why can't people put their own shoes away? I think maybe I didn't train my kids well enough, and spoiled the husband too much in those earlier years. Take note all of you with smaller ones!!

Don't get me wrong here, my life is good. I do have a great husband that will spoil me at any moment. As a matter of fact he rubbed my feet last night for an entire 30 minutes after a hard days work, and in fairness to him, he does tell me all the time that I do too much. Even though they don't pick up their own shoes, or give me a lot of sleepless night worrying, I wouldn't change being a mother for anything. Like I said, I think I have great kids. I don't think I did too bad raising them, because they are turning out to be amazing adults. I'm just tired and am not really sure how to get it all done. Don't even get me started on the whole "time for yourself" thing, and when the HECK did I get those wrinkles on my forehead and eyes that I just noticed in a resent picture!!!!!

Maybe I've just moved into a time where Time is worth more to me than Money. I enjoy working more than cleaning. Maybe I should hire that housekeeper and get to know Papa Murphy's better on Friday nights instead of making my own pizza. Heck, if I only made it once a month, think of how much more it would be appreciated, instead of just expected. Instead of making 40 quarts of applesauce this year, just go to Costco and buy it. No, it's not as good or healthy, but it definetly is faster! And, mabye, just maybe, once a week I can take that nap that I feel I so desperately need. We'll see how it goes.